We look to our faith communities for connection, belonging, and support. But if our home relationships struggle—or if our community relationships fray—our sense of connection can weaken. People drift. Trust erodes. Engagement fades.
Most of us try to do the right by the people in our lives. But the road to hell, as they say, is paved with good intentions. There’s a missing piece—an invisible gap between our good intentions and the way our actions land. The very same words or behaviors that feel loving to one person can hurt another.
In the late 1940s, a psychologist named Dr. Roger Birkman went in search of this missing piece. He observed happy couples who had been together ten years or more. What were they doing differently? What kinds of behaviors caused conflict—and how did healthy couples avoid it?
His groundbreaking research recovered something remarkable: each of us has 10 Behavioral Needs that explain why certain behaviors upset us—and which ones will bring us closer.
Most important, Birkman's research documented 188 practical tipsthe specific behaviors that helped the happiest couples stay connected.
Grounded in both science and Scripture, now Relationship Needs gives faith communities a clear, compassionate way to apply wisdom in our daily interactions.It brings Birkman's breakthrough understandings and proven behavioral science to faith communities.
Told in simple stories that anyone can understand, it reveals our ten core Behavioral Needs with 10 proven Shortcuts and 188 Relationship Tips that show us how to get along.
Relationship Needs gives us all simple clear directions for how to behave so that our good intentions translate to those we love or care about most.
Faith communities can order Relationship Needs in bulk for couples groups, couple or premarital counseling, or as a gift to every household. Discounts start at 15 copies, with free shipping at 100+.
| Qty. | Save | Per Book | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 15–24 copies | 10% | $17.99 | $269 (15 copies) |
| 25–49 copies | 15% | $16.99 | $425 (25 copies) |
| 50–99 copies | 20% | $15.99 | $799 (50 copies) |
| 100+ copies ★ | 25% | $14.99 | $1,499 (100 copies) |
"Relationship Needs brings things down to the root of the problems. It helps us look at ourselves—and avoid the blame game.
–Jennie C.
“The 188 relationship tips and warning signs are 👏 the 👏 GOLD! 👏”
–Nadia G.
"I understood The 5 Love Languages and how we want to express our love. But I never thought it could go far deeper. Even though my fiancé and I have a great relationship, Relationship Needs can take us to the next level of understanding each other’s Needs."
–Britt M.
"The most breakthrough proposition is the reconstruction of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. That rule plagues relationships where people are fundamentally different. (Doesn’t every rom-com tell us opposites attract?) Relationship Needs redefines the Golden Rule in such a beautiful way. I genuinely think it’s how it should always be interpreted."
–Leina M.
"We experienced changes in our Needs, as a couple, particularly when we have changed jobs, switched churches, or moved, and when every baby was born. So when my husband and I mentor premarital couples, we tell them to try to find out everything they can about the other person. All that is to say that Relationship Needs could be useful to couples before marriage and at various stages over the years. I really think it could help people."
–Jenny G.
"Relationship Needs is the best "self help" type of book I've ever read. Honestly, the flow, the writing, the stories, the science... All of it resonated with me at a high level. People NEED to read this book."
–Brian C.
“Most authors present the word Needs as if we are supposed to know what it means. Relationship Needs is the only book that clearly explains what our Needs are—and how to meet them to stay in love.”
–Claire H.
“Finally being able to express a long-unmet Need is such a relief. It really feels like a weight lifted. This message is so important. Our Needs don’t change—and we’re not selfish for having them or speaking them aloud.”
–Kyle L.
"I use every Shortcut in my marriage, and we’ve been married for thirty years. My wife is appreciating what I’ve learned."
–Emily P.
If your faith community, couples group, or premarital ministry is ready to help people build stronger bonds, Relationship Needs provides the tools. It’s simple to understand, easy to implement, and powerful enough to transform the way people love and care for one another.