Based on Roger Birkman’s groundbreaking behavioral science, Relationship Needs gives couples a shared GPS for staying connected in everyday life. These Needs aren’t guesses, preferences, or vague “emotional needs”—they’re measurable, proven requirements for how each of us needs to be treated to thrive in love.
Readers call it “the only book that clearly explains what our Needs are—and how to meet them to stay in love.” They’ve had aha moments that clarified long-standing relationship patterns, discovered how to turn conflict into connection, and found practical solutions they could use the same day.
Here’s what they’re saying:
"Most authors present the word Needs as if we are supposed to know what it means. Relationship Needs is the only book that clearly explains what our Needs are—and how to meet them to stay in love."
– Claire H.
Relationship Needs is grounded in proven behavioral science.
"I was compelled to see Birkman's well-documented behavioral science applied to relationships. Relationship Needs is a practical, get-down-to-brass-tacks, actionable book that I feel would help men especially."
– Rachel C.
What's one value of knowing our Needs?
"Relationship Needs is not just "Communicate to your partner." It gives steps on WHAT to communicate about. I can't think of anything I've read that really dug into the WHAT question."
– Carmen Marie W.
How does knowing our Needs help us?
"Relationship Needs brings things down to the root of the problems. It helps us look at ourselves—and avoid the blame game."
– Jennie C.
The tips work to solve tough problems.
"The 188 relationship tips and warning signs are 👏 the 👏 GOLD! 👏"
– Nadia G.
How is this book different?
"Relationship Needs speaks about things that other books just don't understand. It really helps me to feel more confident about my own life and relationships. The advice is practical and doable. A lot of these stories made me see how simple and easy compromise is when it normally feels like a chore or like it is going to be difficult to come to a solution."
– Julissa L.
Relationship Needs helps before marriage.
"I understood The 5 Love Languages and how we want to express our love. But I never thought it could go far deeper. Even though my fiance and I have a great relationship, Relationship Needs can take us to the next level of understanding each other's Needs."
– Jennie C.
Relationship Needs helps if you've been together for a long time.
"I realized I had been either unsure of or incorrect on how to behave to meet my wife's Needs for the past thirty years—both potentially fatal relationship mistakes. I finally gained certainty on how to treat my wife to meet her Needs consistently."
– Paula F.
Relationship Needs is for every stage of life.
"We experienced changes in our Needs, as a couple, particularly when we have changed jobs, switched churches, or moved, and when every baby was born. So when my husband and I mentor premarital couples, we tell them to try to find out everything they can about the other person. All that is to say that Relationship Needs could be useful to couples before marriage and at various stages over the years. I really think it could help people."
– Jenny G.
We all have Needs, so it's a book that applies to us all.
"People want pinpointed advice that pertains most directly to their relationships. Focusing on Needs allows for more people to see their own situations."
– Alyssa Y.
Finally being able to express our Needs brings relief.
"Finally being able to express a long-unmet Need is such a relief. It really feels like a weight lifted. This message is so important. Our Needs don't change—and we're not selfish for having them or speaking them aloud."
– Kyle L.
Relationship Needs give us an accurate shared language.
"Relationship Needs gave me language for things I've long struggled to articulate in my relationship. It doesn't just explain why we clash—it shows how our Needs operate under stress, and how to navigate those moments with clarity and care. Thoughtful, structured, and emotionally intelligent, it's a powerful tool for couples who want to grow together."
– Roberto H.
It helps us understand our emotions better.
"For most of us, listening for our Needs may just as well be a foreign language (because it is, really). In Chapter 24, the list of reactions we experience when our Needs aren't met gives us an incredible range of emotions we may have never put into words."
– Eve G.
It helps us see how stressed-out behaviors signal our unmet Needs.
"The biggest thing that stuck with me is that whole idea of "unmet Needs showing up as stressed-out behavior." Like the stuff that annoys me in a relationship might actually be my partner trying to communicate a Need. Definitely a perspective shift."
– Rania V.
Relationship Needs is comforting and reassuring.
"I love that Relationship Needs is told in conversations rather than from a scientific or a direct psychological point of view. The tone makes it feel personal and like I'm being talked to rather than studying or being talked at. It is very comforting and reassuring."
– Nicole R.
The stories are VERY helpful.
"By the third story, I realized that even if this isn't how the people I know necessarily talk during a fight, it IS how we feel and think during one. That is VERY helpful in seeing our own arguments and feelings in a new light."
– Carly A.
One knowledgeable reader offers high praise.
"My degree in Psychology has made me skeptical of self-help and adjacent books—but I'm very glad I read Relationship Needs. There were numerous "aha moments" where I recognized a pattern of behavior and was finally able to put a name to it. Even better, the book walked us through ways of working through and around our Needs and behavioral issues. Not only do I understand myself better, but I feel more equipped to understand my partner so we can meet each other where we're at and work together."
– Katie S.
People NEED to read this book!
“Relationship Needs is the best "self help" type of book I've ever read. Honestly. The flow, the writing, the stories, the science... All of it resonated with me at a high level. People NEED to read this book.”
–Brian C.
...From the book...
In Part 1, we’ll find out how to…
In Part 2, we’ll get a way to…
In Part 3, we’ll unlock the secret to…
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